Thursday, September 20, 2012

Chapter 1: Snowfall



            “Uwaaaaa!” Mina let out a long yawn and sat up in bed.  A tiny ray of sunlight filtered through the shutters of the only window in the attic she called a bedroom and lit up her round face and bony cheeks.  Absentmindedly pulling at tangles in her short emerald hair, Mina climbed out of bed and walked over to a large mirror in the middle of the attic.  After grabbing a nearby comb, she began to brush her hair into some semblance of order.
Paying careful attention to her hair in the mirror, Mina finished and put the comb down.  Holding her bony arms over her head, she clasped them together and stretched her petite body back and forth until her overly large night gown threatened to fall off her.  Allowing a small groan to escape her lips, Mina yawned again and scratched her head before turning her gaze towards a giant lump swathed in blankets on the bed opposite hers.
“Celi,” Mina grumbled, rubbing at her eyes, “It’s time to get up.”  When she got no response, Mina tilted her head to the side and called out again.  “Celi?”  Tiptoeing over to the lump, a mischievous grin passed over Mina’s face.  “Okay…you asked for it!” she exclaimed.  Thrusting her hands underneath the blankets, she furiously tickled the soft, feathery lump.  When her attacks elicited no response, Mina pulled back the covers to discover that she had been tickling a pair of pillows stacked on top of one another.
“Honestly, Mina, you’re too easy to fool sometimes.” Mina’s eyes widened as two tan hands wrapped around her waist and relentlessly tickled her under her armpits.  
Tears sprang to her eyes and Mina fell into a fit of giggling.  “S-stop, Celi!” Mina laughed as she flailed about, unable to break free of her friend’s strong grip.  “C-c’mon, that’s not fair!”
“Neither is a sneak attack at dawn!” the girl behind her chuckled, nuzzling Mina’s neck affectionately.  Looking behind her as best she could, Mina snickered at the sight of the tangled, unkempt mat of curly blonde hair that adorned her tan skinned friend’s head.
“Mina!  Celine!” Both of them froze in place when a gruff voice reached their ears through the attic’s door.  “Judging from the ruckus you’ve been raising, I assume you girls are awake.  Well, quit horseplaying and get downstairs!  Our customers are starting to filter in and they look hungry!”
“Y-yes uncle!  We’re coming!” Mina yelled back, breathing hard from her friend’s attack.
“Just give us a minute to get our clothes on, old man!” Celine added, loosening her hold on Mina.
Taking advantage of the distraction, Mina slipped free and tackled Celine to the floor, tickling her firm stomach underneath a nightgown that was a little too small for her.  “H-hey!  Cut that out!” Celine cried.  Tears bloomed in her eyes as she tried to stifle her giggles.
After a minute, Mina relented and helped her friend up.  “Now…we’re even,” she panted, taking a seat on the edge of her bed.  Celine took a seat next to her and put her arm around Mina, squeezing her tight.  Leaning into the tan skinned girl’s ample bosom, Mina let out a small sigh.
“What’s wrong?” Celine murmured.
“Your hair, Celi.”  Mina smirked, reaching up and ruffling her friend’s scruffy blonde hair.  “It’s always a mess.”
“Well forgive me for growing up in the wilderness,” Celine stuck out her tongue at Mina and got to her feet.  Snatching up Mina’s discarded brush, the curvaceous girl started pulling knots out of her hair.
“You’re forgiven,” Mina laughed.  She jumped off her bed and began rifling through a pile of clothes in a corner of the attic.  “I’ll get our dresses while you make yourself presentable.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Celine mumbled.  Reaching over to the window next to their mirror, she pulled the shutters open and glanced outside.  “Hey, Mina!  It snowed last night!”
“Really?!” Mina squealed, rushing over to the window with two leather dresses slung over her shoulder.  “Wow!  It’s so beautiful!  Like the whole world is veiled in white!”
“Seems kinda outta season though, doesn’t it?” Celine muttered, brushing her curly blonde hair down.  “Shouldn’t spring be right around the corner?”
Stripping out of her night gown, Mina pulled the smaller of the two leather dresses over her head.  “Well, we are pretty far north and right next to the Keval mountain range, so winter sometimes sticks around for longer than you’d expect.”  Ambling over to Celine, who stood a foot taller than Mina and had a much more muscular body, the emerald haired girl held up the other leather dress.  “Here.”
“Thanks,” Celine said.  Shrugging off her nightgown, she pulled on her own leather dress and the light brown color blended almost seamlessly with her bronze skin.  “Well, better hurry up.  Don’t want the old man to start yelling again,” she added, lifting up the attic door and heading downstairs with Mina following close behind.
“He, Celi,” Mina mumbled, tugging on her friends arm.  “I bet the snow delivered a few last minute guests to us.  Maybe a few of them have some stories to spin, eh?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Celine shrugged, “I could hear the old man fumbling around last night, so at least a few people probably got in at the last minute.”
“Oooo, I can’t wait to meet them!” Mina laughed.
“Speaking of travelers, have you talked with Kano about your plans yet?” the tan skinned girl gave Mina a sisterly nudge.
“Well…no, I…I’m not sixteen yet, so what’s the hurry?” Mina let out a nervous chuckle.
“Think about it…” Celine muttered.  “You really think Kano’s just gonna let you go?  I mean, isn’t that how your mother-” Celine caught herself at the last minute and covered her mouth.  “Ehhh…sorry,” she averted her eyes from Mina.
“Don’t worry about it,” Mina smiled sweetly at her.  “Anyway, I hope that uncle Kano will respect my wishes when the time comes.”  A sigh escaped Mina’s lips as she and Celine skipped down another set of stairs.  “The first stop on my journey will have to be the ocean,” she added, a nostalgic smile playing at her lips, “I’ve been delayed enough already.”
“No kidding.  Deep down though, I bet you’re worried about leaving the old man, aren’t you?” Celine smiled, playfully ruffling Mina’s hair.
“Who’re you calling old?” a large man in his forties with fiery orange hair and a full beard stuck his head out of a kitchen right next to the stairwell.
“Morning uncle!” Mina called, kissing him on the cheek.
“Hey, old man,” Celine nodded to him.
“Ugh…no respect, even after four years,” Kano let out a sigh before cracking a smile at the pair.  “Well, so long as you work hard, I don’t mind.  We’ve got a packed house this morning thanks to the snow, so get out there and earn your keep!”
“Uncle, don’t we need food to do that?” Mina held out her hands.
“Uh…right, right!  Just a minute,” Kano blushed, heading back into the kitchen.
Celine watched him go and when he wasn’t looking, she whispered to Mina, “So, you’re gonna take me with you when you finally head out, right?”
“Of course!  Where would I be without you, Celi?” Mina giggled.  “If we’re lucky, maybe Daryl will join us too!”
“Yeah…cause what would a journey be without our spoiled little princess?” Celine rolled her eyes.
“C’mon, she’s not that bad,” Mina chuckled.  “But you’re definitely coming with me.  I’m hopeful that while we’re on the road we can find a lead to your past.”
Pulling at her ears, which had matching scars along the tops of them, Celine let out a thoughtful sigh, “That would be nice…”
“Alright, you two, serve up!” Kano called, handing four trays to Celine and an extra large tray to Mina.  “These are for Angelo and his men.”
“Gotcha!” Mina called, scampering into the noisy tavern ahead of Celine.
Hey!  Mina!” Mina nearly stumbled and dropped the tray when she saw a thin girl, closer to her in height than Celine, with long purple hair, waving to her from across the room.  She was seated at a table with four men garbed in long white robes and chain mail cowls covering their heads.
“D-Daryl?!” Mina stammered, dropping the tray onto the table.  “What are you doing here?!”
“I’m going on watch today with the priests,” Daryl smirked, her lithe arm reaching out and pulling the large tray away from Mina.  “We finished my tutoring early and they said I’ve learned enough to be of use.  So, I decided to join them for breakfast before we head out.”
“It’s our pleasure to have such a talented mage in training join us,” a young man with light brown hair sticking out of his cowl muttered, flashing Mina an amiable smile.  “Though, I will miss hearing her stories about you.  Daryl always has something to say about you and Celine, Minava.”
“Really…?” Mina narrowed her eyes and put her hands on her hips.  “Just what does she tell you?”
“Oh, you know, the usual,” Daryl replied, shoveling egg into her mouth.  “I talk about how you’re bubbly and dreamy eyed with a punch that could floor a manticore,” the purple haired girl chuckled and rubbed her cheek.
“Oh, will you just drop it!” Mina stamped her foot.  “That was one time, six years ago!  It’s not like a make a habit of brawling in the tavern!”
“Well, you don’t forget something like that overnight,” Daryl laughed, “That’s how we became friends, after all.”
“Ugh, you’re here, princess?” Celine grimaced, dropping trays in front of Angelo and the other priests.  “What, your mom’s cooking isn’t good enough for you anymore?”
“It’s not that,” Daryl sipped at a cup of cider before letting out a haughty laugh.  “I just love watching you serve me, vagabond.  After all…it’s the only thing you’re good for, these days.”
Celine glared daggers at Daryl who gave her a self-important smirk.  Sighing to herself, Mina leaned against the table, next to Angelo, while her friends butted heads.
“They’re at it again, huh?” one of the priests chuckled.
“Yeah, four years and still going strong,” Mina replied, running her fingers through her hair, “I’m sure that they’ll become great friends, someday…providing they don’t kill each other in the meantime.”
“You lot shouldn’t fight.  You’re both quite lucky to know Daryl,” Angelo chimed in, pulling back his chain mail cowl to give his brown hair some air.  “She’s a prodigy when it comes to holy magic.  I’ve even sent off a letter of recommendation to the Academy of the Metatron requesting that she be admitted when she comes of age,” Angelo smiled warmly.
“Daryl, that’s great!” Mina squealed.  “You’re so lucky!  What are you going to be when you graduate?”
“I haven’t decided yet,” Daryl replied, breaking from her staring match with Celine to smile at Mina.  “I still have a long way to go, despite my skilled and handsome teacher,” she added, winking at Angelo who returned her attention with a curt nod
“Just don’t forget your friends when you finally leave, alright?” Celine muttered, crossing her arms in front of her.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Daryl waved them off, paying more attention to her meal.  Celine snorted at her, but Mina took her friend by the arm and led her back to the kitchen.
“I think the princess is getting too big for her britches,” Celine grunted, while Mina tried to ease her temper.  “Can you imagine what it would be like trying to travel with that?”
“She’s just excited, is all.  And with good reason.  I’d give anything to be able to use magic…” Mina mused.
“Alright girls, next wave,” Kano muttered, bringing out another large tray for Mina and six trays for Celine.
Balancing the trays as best as she could on her arms, Celine frowned at Kano and asked, “What gives, old man?!  Think you gave me enough food?!”
“Haha, well, Jason and the other farmers got up early to clear their fields of snow and now they’ve got a mighty appetite,” Kano jerked his head in the direction of a large table full of burly young men who were anxiously glancing over at Celine.  “Now don’t complain.  I coulda been mean and asked you to look after the border guards on your own,” the innkeeper added, pointing to a group of two dozen men in chain mail armor and leggings stained blue and white with swords, pikes, and shields at their feet and woolen cloaks dyed the same color as their uniforms on the backs of their chairs.
Wrinkling her nose, Celine let her shoulders slump and sighed.  “Yeah…thanks for that…”
“What’s wrong, Celi?  You look like you just swallowed a frog,” Mina mumbled as they walked over to the farmers together.
“Ugh…” Celine groaned, putting down a few of the trays and rubbing her eyes in exasperation.  “You don’t know how lucky you are.  Even though you’re only a year younger than me, you haven’t matured nearly as fast…”
“How is that lucky?!”  Mina snapped, putting her hands on her bony hips.
“Well, for starters, your ass doesn’t get smacked by the border guards when they’re off duty,” Celine grunted.
“Oh, come on, Celi!  I’d kill for your curves,” Mina snickered, giving her a playful nudge.
Crossing her arms in annoyance, Celine picked up the trays and let out a long sigh.  “When you hit fifteen, maybe you’ll have a set of your own.  Then you can hog all the attention,” she muttered.
“Look, you know I’ve got your back,” Mina said, brushing past Celine, “Just let me take care of this one and we can handle the border guards together, okay?”
“Alright…if you say so,” Celine grunted.  Picking up her trays, she headed over to the hungry looking farmers.
Taking her own tray, Mina dropped it off in front of a hooded man in a corner of the tavern.  He was garbed in a sand strewn white cloak and was also covered from head to toe in white cloth so that only his piercing red eyes were visible underneath.  “Sorry for the wait,” Mina smiled at him, despite how rough he looked.
Pulling out a flask from under the table, the man poured something into his mug and took a long sip before looking down at the food.  “Thank you,” he murmured, picking at the aurox meat and cockatrice eggs in front of him.
“Umm…is something wrong?” Mina leaned on the table and watched the man.
“Hmm?  Oh, no, it’s fine,” the man muttered, shaking his head.  “I didn’t mean to offend.  It’s just that the food and weather here are…rather alien to me.”
“The cloak gave that away pretty quick,” Mina snickered.  “It looks too light for winter and judging from the sand, I’d bet you hail from the far south.  Maybe…Aridia?”
“Very perceptive,” the man chuckled and nodded.  “Correct.  I hail from a desert town in Aridia named Sheliak.  The snow here caught me off guard…though, I suppose I should feel rather lucky compared to some.”
“Why’s that?” Mina asked.
“One of the guests who checked in with me last night seems far more shaken.  I at least have some experience with traveling, but him-” the cloaked man pointed to a well muscled man with creamy skin and shaggy black hair sitting at the back of the tavern.  He was garbed in a sleeveless purple tunic and was shivering uncontrollably. “He is ill equipped to be here.”
Narrowing her eyes, Mina saw him twitch for a moment and look about anxiously.  “Hmm…I better see if he’s okay,” she whispered.  Turning back to the man in white, Mina added, “Oh, and since you’ll have to stay a few days thanks to the snow, maybe we could get to know each other.  My name is Minava Gren, but everyone calls me Mina.  It’s a pleasure to serve you,” she said with a curtsey.  “And…since you’ll be staying with us…maybe after my shift’s done…I could treat you to a drink while you tell me about your travels?”
Chuckling amicably, the man nodded.  “I’d be delighted, Mina.  My name is Nivtenc van Arios.  I look forward to your return,” he said, bowing his head politely.
Running back to the kitchen, Mina stepped inside while Kano was still chopping up some dried aurox meat.  “Uncle, for the next patron, can you give him an extra portion with a pinch of Hamelin pepper?  He needs something to chase the chill from his bones.”
“Uh…sure, I guess,” Kano shrugged, sprinkling some red powder onto the browned aurox meat.
“Thanks!  Oh, and would you mind loaning him one of your coats later?  He doesn’t really seem equipped for weather in Gesthal.”
“Mina, that’s stretching hospitality a bit far, isn’t it?” Kano grumbled.
“You know I’d give him some of my clothes if they’d fit, but they won’t!  So, please…do this for me?” Mina clapped her hands together and bowed her head.
“Fine, I’ll help the poor guy out,” Kano sighed, handing Mina two trays.  “Here.  Extra portions for your new friend.”
“Thanks, uncle!” Mina cried, taking the trays and bolting past Celine who was heading back towards the kitchen.  “Be with you in a minute, Celi!” she called, before slowing to a trot as she approached the muscular black haired man.  “Here.  Sorry for the wait,” she said, flashing the man a knowing smile.
The man was huddled into a ball in his chair and his teeth chattered as he spoke.  “Wh-what is…this?  I…I can’t afford this,” he stammered.  Suddenly, his arm spasmed and the nails on his left hand grew longer, while a patch of unsightly black fur sprang up near his right elbow.  Frantically covering them with his right hand, he gave Mina a pleading look.
Folding her arms across her chest, Mina shook her head and smiled.  “You don’t need to worry.  I knew from the start that you were therian.”
The man’s eyes grew round and his mouth dropped open.  “H-how-”
“When I was a little girl, I traveled all over Serano as part of a caravan and made a lot of friends just like you,” Mina explained, pushing the trays closer to him.  “The cobbler for our caravan and her husband were therians.  She was part cait sith and was married to a man with the blood of a garm running through his veins.  The fact that you dressed so light was my big tip off.  After all, why worry about a coat when you’ve got fur, right?”
“O-okay, I…guess that makes sense,” the man replied, his teeth still chattering, “Though I could’ve been a cold blooded therian.  Part lamia, part belhur, part couatl…you got lucky with your guess.  So, I take it you want something in exchange for not turning me in, right?”
“Sure do!” Mina smirked, pushing the plates of food towards him.  “I want you to eat and get your strength back.”
The man looked down at the food then looked up at Mina.  “Ummm…what?”
“Haha, therians aren’t as big a deal here as you might think,” Mina smiled.  “This close to the border we’re less uptight about race.  Our border guard even has a few neeg in it,” she added, pointing towards a green skinned man with pointed ears amongst the border guards.  “Teythens cause more of a fuss, but therians, vey, neeg, and even a few apocra are welcome here.”
The man cracked a smile and bowed his head.  “Thank you.  I…was concerned.  I came here for work, after all.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Mina said, “Now eat.  I know you need to keep your strength up if you want to control your transformations.”
Glancing down at the piping hot double portion of aurox meat, cockatrice eggs, and millet porridge, a tear appeared in the man’s eye.  “Th-thank you,” he whispered, tucking into the food with a vengeance.
“So, are you a refugee?” Mina offhandedly muttered.  “I’ve seen more than a few therians crossing the border in search of work over the years.”
“No, I’m not a refugee,” the man replied through a mouthful of aurox meat and pepper, which relieved him of his shivering and gave his skin a healthier hue.  “The famine’s forced many people out of Luvolia, but I own a homestead that I couldn’t just abandon.  My wife and son stayed behind to tend to it, however it won’t be enough.  I need to figure out a way to make some extra money and…well…you go where there’s work.  Even if it’s in Lucaria,” he explained.
“Hmmm…” Mina rubbed her chin.  “If you’re a therian, you must be pretty tough, right?  Have you thought about working for the border guards?”
“You think they’d take me?” the man raised an eyebrow at her.
“I don’t see why not.  They’re a little short staffed at the moment, thanks to the long winter, and tend to rely on our local priests to pick up the slack.  I’ll talk with Captain Morak for you when I take him his breakfast,” Mina winked at him and smiled.
For a moment the man seemed frozen in place.  Then, he nearly leapt across the table and grasped Mina’s hand, shaking it so hard she grimaced.  “Thank you!” The man exclaimed, flashing her a grin full of razor sharp teeth.  “I…I don’t know what to say!”
“Well…you could start with your name,” Mina stuttered, blushing deeply at his show of gratitude.
“Ri-right.  My name is Wrec Caldonia,” the man nodded.
“That’s a nice name.  I’m Minava Gren,” Mina replied and did a small curtsey.  But, please, call me Mina.  So…Wrec…” she murmured, averting her gaze from him, “Is it alright to ask…what kind of apocra you can transform into?”
Wrec smirked and rumbled a little with mirth, “I can’t transform into an apocra, little one.  It’s more like a hybrid between man and beast.”
“You know what I meant…” Mina growled, blushing slightly.
“Haha, don’t be so somber about the matter,” Wrec laughed, slapping Mina on the back.  “That’s the first thing on everyone’s mind when they meet a therian!”
“It’s a little rude though…I mean…”
“An…anubian,” Wrec cut her off.  “Yeah.  I carry the blood of the anubians in my veins.”
“Oh?  I’ve never seen an anubian before.  So…was your father or mother…” Mina stammered, blushing deeply.
“Nah, they weren’t apocra.  They were therians too.  But, my great grandfather’s blood runs strong in my veins,” Wrec said proudly.
“I’d love to hear more about it!  Maybe you could transform sometime too!” Mina smiled, leaning forward on the table.  “I’d love to see what kind of powers you have, since…you know…therians can’t use magic.”
Wrec’s smile faded, but he nodded.  “S-sure.  Maybe we can work something out later…anyway, don’t you need to talk to those border guards?”
“Oh, right!  I’ll talk with you later, Wrec!” Mina called, skipping back to the kitchen.
“You took your time,” Kano snorted, scooting a large tray of piping hot mugs over to Mina.  “Celi already headed out with the border guard’s food…poor girl,” the innkeeper sighed, “You go and take the soldiers their mead.”
“Right!” Mina said, grabbing the tray of drinks and scooting over to the mass of hooting border guards. 
In the center of them was Celine, handing out trays to those in front of her and trying to avoid getting her bottom smacked by those behind her.  After handing off a tray to a grizzled man with a scar down his face from his right eye to the bottom of his lip, she carefully backed away, however a green hand reached out to grab her butt.
Before it could, however, Mina shoved herself in between the hand and Celine, forcing one of the mugs of mead into the man’s hand.  “Here you go, Fak, piping hot, just the way you like it!”
The green skinned man took the drink and scowled at Mina.  “Ya couldna hav waited another minute er two?” he growled, bringing his face close to Mina’s.  The man’s shaggy yellow hair was framed by his pointed ears and his nose was long and beaklike, while his cheek had a nasty growth of warts on it.  Two tusk-like fangs jutted out of the bottom of his mouth as he barred a set of yellowed teeth at the fourteen year old girl.  Rather than being intimidated, Mina merely smiled sweetly at him.
“Sorry for interrupting your fun,” Mina said, without losing her cheerful attitude, “But if you were to touch my sister like that, I’d have to tear your arm off…and uncle Kano says that’d be bad for business.”
Fak and the other border guards stared at her in stunned silence for a moment as she nonchalantly handed out drinks, while keeping her back pressed against Celine’s.
“Tcch…ya hear that?” Fak snorted.  “Ya think cause I’ma neeg ya can talk down ta me?  Maybe ya oughta try and back that up?” he reached for his sword, but before he could take hold of it, the grizzled man reached out and grabbed his arm.
“Oi…that’s not how we do things here, boyo.  New recruit or not, you gotta learn the rules.  In here, we don’t draw our weapons.”
“But Captain…” Fak whined.
“Ah, let it go, Fak,” a stringy border guard with a scar on his chin smirked, “We’ve all been shooed offa Celine by little Mina.  Don take it too personally.”
“It has nothing to do with your race, Fak.  I”, just looking out for my family,” Mina said with a smile.  Out of the corner of her vision she saw a murderous glint in Celine’s eye.  The tan skinned girl finished dropping off the trays she was holding and departed the crowd of border guards.  With a sigh, Mina went back to handing out drinks, saving the last one for the grizzled man.  Along with his scar, the man had a burn mark near his left eye and wore a bandana to cover is head.  “Captain Morak.  Always, a pleasure,” she said, offering him the largest mug.
“Likewise, little Minava.  You ought to not talk so big though.”
Frowning at him, Mina replied, “You know I can back it up.”
“Aye…and so does that poor sod who walked outta here bowlegged and with a broken nose six years ago.  Still, aren’t you being a bit overprotective?”
Glancing back at Celine, who had her back turned and was leaning against one of the support beams of the tavern, shivering, Mina shook her head.  “No, I’m not.”
“Suit yourself,” Morak shrugged.
“Umm…Captain, I was wondering…if you’re still short staffed, I know a hardy man who’d love to join the border guards for a bit.”
“Hmm?” Morak looked up from his drink.
“Over there,” Mina pointed towards Wrec.  “He’s a therian with a strong constitution.”
“A therian, eh…” Morak mused, “I might be able to make some use of him, provided he behaves.”
“So long as you pay him well, he’ll play nice,” Mina nodded.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”
“Sure, sure…” Morak said, returning to his drink.
Zipping through the crowd of border guards, Mina snuck up on Celine and took her hand.  “Are you alright, Celi?” she whispered.
“Y-yeah…” Celine replied, even though goosebumps were still blooming on her arms.  “Stinking neeg…You shoulda let him grab me…then I’d have an excuse to break his neck!” she growled, anxiously running her free hand over the scars on her ears.
“That’s…why I didn’t let him,” Mina sighed.  “You should really let me handle them if you’re so bothered by all the hooting and…and a few of the newer recruits.”
Celine looked down at Mina and planted her fist squarely in the middle of Mina’s head.  Mina let out a small squeak as she began to rub her fist back and forth into Mina’s hair.  “As if.  I’ll do my part just like you and the old man.  It’s the least I can do considering what you two did for me back then.”
“Celi…”
“Besides, I’d be even more likely to throttle those lecherous asses if they started smackin your butt!” the tan skinned girl let out a lusty laugh and put her arm around Mina.
“Celi!” Mina squealed.  Her face flushed red and she resisted Celine’s efforts to hug her.
“What are you two doing?” Kano snorted at them from the kitchen.  “If you’ve got time to play, you’ve got time to-”
A sudden crash cut off Kano’s final words.  Whipping her head around, Mina saw that the inn’s door had been thrown open and a man in the blue and white uniform of the border guards limped in, using his pike as a brace.  Dropping to one knee, the man cried out, “Goetians…Goetians and the walking dead…swarming the…Keval Pass!”
Among the farmers and other patrons of the tavern, a low murmuring erupted following his words.
“What’d he say?”
 “I think he’s hurt!”
“Goetians and walking dead in Lucaria?!”
“Are we being invaded?!”
Everyone, stay calm!” Kano bellowed, heading out of the kitchen and cradling the man in his arms.  “Hey, you’re Mavo!  Get it together, man, and tell us what happened!”
 “Mavo!” Morak growled, bounding over to the border guard, “Damnation!  You lot!  We’re moving out, now!”
Immediately, the border guards grabbed their shields, pikes, and swords and began to file out of the inn.
“No matter what he’s seen, these wounds didn’t make themselves.  We’re going to reinforce the night watch in the Keval Pass,” Morak said, while strapping his sword to his belt, “Kano, can you look after Mavo?”
“Leave it to me,” Kano nodded as Morak dashed out of the tavern.
“Will he be alright, uncle?!” Mina called, heading over to the downed man with Celine in tow.  Though the middle aged man’s face was awash in sweat, the only wounds Mina could make out on his body were some nasty cuts to his torso.
“Please, could you move?” the three of them looked up to see Angelo standing over Mavo.  Kneeling down, Angelo put his hand to Mavo’s chest.  White light formed around Angelo’s hand and began to pour into Mavo’s wounds as the priest ran his hand over them.  The cuts started to close and mend themselves as he held his hands over them.  “Mostly surface wounds, but-”
“Angelo, look at this,” Daryl muttered, holding up Mavo’s arm.  It was covered in burn marks.  Running her own hand over the wound, Daryl gritted her teeth and a dim white light formed around her fingers.  She pressed them against the burns and they began to recede.
“Luckily, he’ll live.  The wounds and burns weren’t too serious.  However, that comment about the Goetians and the walking dead worries me,” Angelo mused.
“Even if Morak and his men cannot defeat these interlopers, they can at least buy us some time,” one of Angelo’s priests muttered, “We should begin evacuating the townspeople to Steadfall in the east.”
“What do you mean?” Jason and a few of the farmers muttered, slowly getting to their feet.  “We can’t just leave our fields, or-”
“As of right now, we must assume the worst.  That Telnumbra has broken the armistice between our countries and that war is on the horizon,” Angelo coolly retorted.  “Our priority right now is to evacuate the townsfolk.  Jason, I want you and the others to help with this.  You’re tough, so this should be a breeze for you,” Angelo added, getting to his feet.
“Are we really going to war?” Jason stammered.
“Focus on the task at hand,” Kano muttered, getting to his feet.  He clapped the young man on the shoulder and nodded.  “You have to help everyone out of town.  Steadfall is fortified and has more than ten times our number in both guardsmen and priests.  They’ll be safe there.”
The burly farmer nodded his head and knelt down, picking Mavo up and supporting him on his shoulder.  “I understand.  Alright boys, you heard them!  Start rounding up your families!  We’re heading east!”
“A-Angelo, I can handle this place, if you’ll let me,” Daryl nodded to him, stammering slightly.  “Look after the others and I’ll see that the inn is evacuated.”
For a moment, Angelo stared at Daryl before reluctantly nodding.  “I’m counting on you,” he muttered, trampling out into the snow through the open door, flanked by his three comrades.
“C’mon, Kano…we’re not really going to trudge all the way down to Steadfall, are we?” one of the patrons muttered, “That’s a two day walk from Gesthal.”  As if to answer him, the ground was rocked by a distant explosion, scattering plates and utensils all over the floor.
After a moment of shocked silence, everyone began to panic, pushing through the door and yelling at the tops of their lungs.
“Everyone, please remain calm!  Head east and you should find the road to the Steadfall!” Daryl tried to yell over the din.  “Follow it and-wah!” she cried as a swarm of patrons knocked her over in their attempts to get out the door.  She would have been trampled to death if Mina and Celine hadn’t pulled her clear.
“You okay, princess?” Celine whispered.
“Wh-why did this have to happen?!” Daryl cursed under her breath, trying to calm her shaking hands.  “I’m not ready!  Not for something this big!”
“Well, ready or not, whatever caused that explosion is coming,” Mina gritted her teeth and got to her feet.  Putting her fingers to her lips, she blew into them and produced a screeching whistle that made everyone freeze in place and cup their hands over their ears.  When she had finished, the villagers all gazed up at her, nonplussed.
“Everyone, form a line and go through the door, single file!” Kano barked, brandishing a cleaver as if he were a regimental commander.  “There’s still time, so don’t shove!  Follow the farmers out to the road east!  We all need to work together if we’re going to get through this!”  Everyone in the tavern stared at him in stunned silence until he stomped the ground with enough force to shake the wood floor beneath them.  “NOW MOVE IT!”
The villagers formed a line and a few of them, including Wrec and Nivtenc, stood on the sidelines and helped to prevent the others from panicking.  “What are you doing?” Mina whispered to them on her way to grab traveling cloaks for herself and Celine.
“Well, figured this might be a better introduction to the border guard on what I can do than anything,” Wrec laughed nervously.  “This isn’t my first crisis.”
“Likewise,” Nivtenc nodded.  “Just trying to do what I can to help.”
“Hey, you two!” Kano called, rushing over to the pair.  “The border guards have wool cloaks for their long marches.  If you two want to play the part, you’ll need these,” he said, draping some worn and soiled cloaks over their shoulders.  “It’s not long to Steadfall, but we’re counting on you to help keep them safe along the way, alright?”
“Uncle?” Mina murmured as he rushed back into the kitchen.
“Mina, we need to leave too!” Daryl grabbed her arm.  Dropping the cloaks she was holding on the floor, Mina twisted free of Daryl’s grasp and ran after Kano, with Celine following closely behind.
“Old man, now’s not the time to worry about leftovers!” Celine called, when she saw Kano stuffing food into a sack along with his good cutlery.
“Uncle, we need to go,” Mina muttered, “The Telnumbrans are coming and for all we know Dezolis the Blind Prophet or Austarine the Pale Empress could be leading the charge.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Kano sighed casually.  “I learned all about the big bad Telnumbrans when my father was still running this inn and I had time to play border guard.  But we’ll need food on the road and I see no reason to leave it for those monsters,” Kano said, cleaning out his pantry.  “You go on ahead.  I know the way by heart so I’ll catch up.”
Mina’s eyes widened and she grabbed onto Kano’s arm.  “Uncle…we can’t just leave you,” she mumbled, keeping her eyes downcast.  “I don’t want-”
Kneeling down next to her, Kano wrapped his muscular arms around Mina and gingerly stroked her hair.  “I know you’re scared, Mina, but don’t be.  This isn’t like last time.  No matter what happens to me, you’re not alone.  Celine and Daryl will be with you.  Now, I need you to be strong.  For them and for me, alright?” he whispered, hugging her tightly.
Forcing her eyes shut, Mina nodded as a single tear trickled down her cheek.  “I understand,” she murmured, wiping away her tear.  Turning to Celine, she grabbed her friend’s arm and pulled her back into the almost deserted inn.  Nivtenc, Wrec, and the others looking after the villagers had all cleared out.  Only Daryl remained, impatiently tapping her foot on the floor and wearing an expensive looking purple cloak lined with fur.
“Here.  Now let’s go,” she snapped, tossing the worn out cloaks over to Mina and Celine.  The two girls tied the cloaks around their shoulders and followed after the villagers, whose footprints were fresh in the snow.
“Mina, are you sure?” Celine muttered, glancing back at the tavern,
“No…not really,” Mina sniffled.  “But I refuse to just sit back and wait to be saved this time.”
Daryl’s impatient scowl melted into a look of concern.  Ambling over to Mina’s side, she put a hand on her shoulder and tried to smile.  “Th-things will be fine, I’m sure of it,” she stuttered, trying to sound upbeat.  “Morak’s strong and I’m sure Angelo and his men will protect us.  And once the clergy get wind of this, they’ll send more priests and Templar to slaughter those Telnumbran devils!  We’ll be fine.”
“Daryl…what about your mom?” Celine muttered.
The three stopped in front of a large, two story house.  The door had been left ajar and a pair of footprints led away from the house, before being subsumed by the mass of footprints headed east.
“Angelo’s got her, I’m sure of it,” Daryl replied.  “For now, we have to worry about ourselves, so come on.”
Grabbing Mina’s hand, Daryl pulled her and Celine along, following the trail of footprints in the snow.  They followed the footprints until the houses and farms of Gesthal had been left far behind.  No sooner had they left the village than something above them flashed.
 Craning her head skywards, Mina saw a blue spark shimmering above them, like a second sun.  “Did anyone else-” she started to say.
“Yeah.  Let’s not stick around to find out what that was,” Daryl hissed, her heart thumping loud enough for all three to hear.
The three friends trudged after the footprints, enduring the frigid air and the bite of the wind, until they spotted the backs of other villagers in the distance.  Breaking into a run, the girls pushed on, doggedly, until they could make out hundreds of the villagers, all moving together.
“We’ve caught up to them!” Daryl exclaimed.  “Mother!  Are you there, mother?!”
There was a flash of red light behind them and both Mina and Celine turned to see something fly through the air, headed straight for them.  “Daryl!” Celine yelled, sprinting after her and tackling her to the snowy ground.
“What’s wrong with you?!  Get off m-” Daryl started to say before a huge ball of fire crashed less than a hundred feet in front of them.  Upon seeing the fireball the villagers broke into a panicked dash, while the three girls merely stared in shocked awe.
“No…this can’t be…it’s not possible…” Mina stammered, her eyes widening.  “W-we need to find cover!” she yelled, running over and helping Celine and Daryl to their feet.  “I’m sure more are on the way!  If we stay out in the open, we’re dead!”
“I…I don’t know what to do!” Daryl cried, holding her head in her hands.  “I…”
“This way!” Celine grabbed them both and headed south.  “There’s an expanse of forest south of Gesthal!  If we can get there, we’ll at least have some cover!”  As she spoke, fireballs began raining down all around them.  Watching the sky and moving as carefully as they could, the trio managed to avoid being crushed by the flaming rocks.  However, they were forced to go further and further away from the other villagers, who had disappeared into the distance.
After ten minutes of dodging the falling fireballs and heading south at an unforgiving pace, they caught sight of the forest Celine had spoken of.  It was full of evergreen trees that bore a dusting of snow but still retained their color.  Sprinting into the forest, the three girls leaned against a tree, panting for breath as more fireballs reigned down in the distance.
“I think we’re safe here…” Celine panted, glancing up at the fireballs.  “None of those fireballs seem to be landing in the forest.”
 “Mother…” Daryl whispered, straining her eyes to see where they landed.
“Don’t worry.  If the priests are there, they should be fine,” Mina said.  “They can put up a barrier to protect everyone.”
“Y-yeah, I suppose…” Daryl stammered.
“One thing’s for sure.  This isn’t random.  They’re specifically targeting the roads.  Could this really be an act of war?” Celine grunted.
“We don’t have time to worry about that,” Mina said, taking a deep breath.  “We need to find our way to Steadfall.  Uncle told me that this forest extends from the edge of Steadfall to the foot of the Keval mountains, so if we keep heading east, we should find our way.  But…I don’t know how to navigate these woods.”
“Yeah, bright idea, vagabond!” Daryl snapped, tears of frustration blooming in the corners of her eyes.  “None of us knows how to get through this forest!  We might as well be lost!  What were you thin-”
“I can lead us to Steadfall,” Celine muttered.
“Celi?” Mina mumbled.
“It’s the massive walled city with a cathedral in the center and several towers dotting the walls, right?” Celine added.
“Y-yeah, that sounds like it…” Daryl stammered.
“Well, I traveled through these woods while I was on the run.  I must have spent at least a week figuring out their intricacies before I stumbled into Gesthal,” Celine said with cold resoluteness.  “I distinctly remember the big city.  Before I arrived in Gesthal, I used it as a landmark of sorts.  If I’m right, then that’s the path we need to follow,” she said, pointing further into the trees.
“I…I-um,” Daryl stammered, shivering from the cold and her own shame. “Sorry, I-”
“Forget it, let’s just go,” Celine sighed, leading them into the forest.
After several minutes, the wind suddenly died down and the trio managed to keep from shivering.  “How much farther do you think it is?” Daryl mumbled.
“It’s supposed to be a two day walk from Gesthal,” Mina replied.  “If we hurry, we might reach it by nightfall.”
“Nightfall?!” Daryl exclaimed, “We need to move, then!  I don’t want to sleep in the woods!”
“Wait…” Celine whispered, holding out her arms to block their advance before cupping her hands around her ears.  A moment passed and Celine took a deep breath through her nose.  Narrowing her eyes, she shook her head and murmured, “I don’t like this.  We should turn back.”
“W-why?  What’s out there?” Daryl stammered.  As she spoke, the forest suddenly lit up with a hundred pairs of crimson eyes.
A few creatures bounded forward along the tree branches until the three girls could make out what they were.  The creatures were a little smaller than human newborns and resembled them to an extent, however, their arms and legs were much longer than their bodies and instead of ending in hands or feet, they ended in blades.  Each creature had fiery red eyes, a mouth full of razor sharp teeth, and a set of bony blades that jutted out of their backs, resembling skeletal wings.  Deformed crowns of bone adorned each creature’s head.
The three girls edged backwards as more of the demonic infants bounded into sight, their eyes fixed on Mina and the others.  Taking a deep breath, Mina frantically tried to control the thumping of her heart, noticing that Celine was attempting to do the same.  Daryl was transfixed with fear.  “Goetians…” Mina whispered, trying to control her voice even as her eyes widened in horror, “Lots of Goetians…”

Copyright : September 20 2012

3 comments:

  1. Comment numero uno (once I get this manic excitement at picking apart something a friend of mine actually made, I'll praise you for your creative genius. Just hang in there in the meantime. xD)

    There’s too much emphasis on character description, mainly, in how you deliver it. Within this opening chapter, alot of your dialogue is followed immediately by a sentence of description. It makes reading the actual dialogue tedious, because the descriptive points you’re making naturally imply importance. The reader is thereby compelled to make mental notes about each character’s physical appearance while at the same time having to keep up with the actual content of the conversations that are taking place. Not only that, but you’re redundant with description; you don’t need to reiterate physical characteristics back-to-back… to back.

    For example: “‘Honestly, Mina, you’re too easy to fool sometimes.’ Mina’s eyes widened as two tan hands wrapped around her waist and relentlessly tickled her under her armpits.”

    This is where you introduce that Celine is tanned. Within the following dialogue, you reference her skin tone again and again in the following paragraphs:

    “‘Neither is a sneak attack at dawn!’ the girl behind her chuckled, nuzzling Mina’s neck affectionately. Looking behind her as best she could, Mina snickered at the sight of the tangled, unkempt mat of curly blonde hair that adorned her tan skinned friend’s head.”

    “After a minute, Mina relented and helped her friend up. ‘Now…we’re even,’ she panted, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. Celine took a seat next to her and put her arm around Mina, squeezing her tight. Leaning into the tan skinned girl’s ample bosom, Mina let out a small sigh.

    I’m stopping here because I want to emphasis the lack of purpose in including the phrase “tan skinned girl.” It seems you’re trying to offer description in snippets primarily through dialogue. However, I think you’d be better off in devoting an entire paragraph to describing each character and then leave their description be. Don’t harp on it much after that. That way, the reader can develop a full mental picture of the character at once and reference it from that point on. The way you’re writing now is like playing a game of hangman, where you add on bits and pieces of the character at different points before they can fully see him or her. It places more work on the reader; you want to make their reading experience effortless.

    “‘Speaking of travelers, have you talked with Kano about your plans yet?’” the tan skinned girl gave Mina a sisterly nudge.”

    “Thanks,” Celine said. Shrugging off her nightgown, she pulled on her own leather dress and the light brown color blended almost seamlessly with her bronze skin. “Well, better hurry up. Don’t want the old man to start yelling again,” she added, lifting up the attic door and heading downstairs with Mina following close behind.

    I want to point out here that description is given with a purpose – it flows seamlessly with the action rather than interrupts it. I would keep this description here, and drop all others. Make THIS paragraph your first indication to the reader that Celine is tan, or else devote a paragraph to her description. Slide in description only with minor characters. In other words, if it takes more than one sentence – and this sentence must be short and concise – to describe a character, don’t integrate their description into dialogue. Moreover, you need only reference distinguishing physical features on occasion once you introduce them, and only when it serves a purpose. I understand you’re trying to paint a picture for the reader as the action happens, but most of this description has no purpose, and distracts from the plot itself. Again, you want to make the action of reading your story effortless so that they can enjoy the plot and paint what they read as it happens in their minds. Distractions hinder that.

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    Replies
    1. I could easily do the large block of description and then just leave it be, save when there are some important character traits, like Celine rubbing her ears, however I need to know if the minor characters are being introduced properly. For example, Nivtenc, Wrec, and Morak. When I introduced Nivtenc, I said:

      Taking her own tray, Mina dropped it off in front of a hooded man in a corner of the tavern. He was garbed in a sand strewn white cloak and was also covered from head to toe in white cloth so that only his piercing red eyes were visible underneath.

      I personally like that. It's concise and helps get across physical traits before introducing the characters. However, it doesn't quite blend as well as the example you gave me.

      Sp, should I just dump a small block like that to introduce them and then never reference their appearance unless they're doing an action or should I try and rewrite most of the introductions to try and make it more seamless, like with Celine's example?

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    2. Even within your description of Nivtenc, you show needless redundancy:

      "He was garbed in a sand strewn white cloak."

      Here you establish his dominant article of clothing, one that already suggests it covers his entire body, given most people know what a cloak looks like, yet you feel the need to outright establish this fact in the following clause:

      "And was also covered from head to toe in white cloth so that only his piercing red eyes were visible underneath."

      This alone suggests redundancy; the only new thing the reader is learning is that Nivtenc's face is almost entirely obscured. You repeat yourself in saying that he was covered from head to toe in white cloth; you've already said he was wearing a white cloak, an article of clothing that is assumed to run the full length of the body. It needs to be simplified. For example:

      "Taking her own tray, Mina dropped it off in front of a hooded man in a corner of the tavern. Garbed in a white sand strewn cloak that obscured all but his piercing red eyes, he had a particularly exotic air about him that immediately piqued her interest."

      Establish the cloak is white first; color is the most distinguishing feature of most things - in this instance it's Nivtenc's cloak. The fact that it's also sand strewn is a more specific detail. Think of it like a pizza - the word "white" is like the tomato sauce, whereas the descriptive phrase "sand strewn" is more comparable to the toppings.

      A better way to think of this is to place your shoes in that of the reader - what would you imagine first: the fact that his cloak is white, or the fact that his cloak is sand strewn? For me at least, it's easier to recreate a white cloak in my mind, and THEN add on the fact that it's dirtied with sand. Your descriptions also need to organized in a hierarchy to some degree. In drawing a picture, you don't start out with details and add on the fundamental shapes later.

      I also included that he had a foreign sense about him because Mina immediately follows her observation of him with inquiries as to where he's from. Your entire world is made up of mystical creatures and races, so it's not always assumed that certain people may be out of place; however, in this case, Nivtenc is. In this way, you subtly suggest that his appearance is of particular importance in denoting a far-off place, which will then be immediately backed up and confirmed through the subsequent dialogue.

      In any case, to answer your question, the way you introduced Nivtenc is fine. It was limited to just about one sentence, which is all you need for minor characters. As for major characters, the example I provided for Celine was more appropriate in reiterating distinguishing physical features so that the reader may be reminded of how characters look. You really need to "draw" your main characters out initially through one or two descriptive paragraphs.

      Think of each sentence within that paragraph as a step towards drawing a complete picture of your character. Would you offer only little snippets of the whole picture drawn out over a series of action and dialogue, thereby leaving the reader with an incomplete view of how said character looks like all the while? No. You establish appearances FIRST, so that the reader can reference a complete mental picture of that character as the action takes place.

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